This was handed out at my history and lit of the keyboard class. My prof, Sheveloff, has been teaching at BU for 45 years, and is a whole entire wealth of information unto his own. He is also one of the funniest people I know, and loves irony. Our entire class is basically female (only one male), so thats why he handed this out. Numbers 4 and 12 especially make me laugh out loud.
How to Be a Good Wife
1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead to have a delicious meal ready for him. This is a way of letting him know you have been thinking about him and his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and they need a warm meal as part of their welcome.
2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up; put a ribbon in your hair. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
3. Be a little gay and interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and it is your duty to provide it.
4. During cooler months, prepare a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
5. Minimize all noise. Turn off the washer, dryer, and vacuum. Tell the children to be quiet.
6. Be happy to see him.
7. Show sincerity in your desire to please him.
8. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
9. Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
10. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie down in the bedroom. Always have a drink ready for him.
11. Arrange his pillow and take off his shoes. Speak in a low, pleasant voice.
12. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
13. A good wife always knows her place.